I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
