Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
