I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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