Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
