the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
