Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
