Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Randomize
