I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
