Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
