my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
