he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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