she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
