An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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