I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
