So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
