Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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