Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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