you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
