Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
