Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send help, water and tortillas.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize