i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
