Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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