she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
