Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
