spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
