Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
