Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
