Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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