At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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