lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
