You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
