I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
