let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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