I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
this is an emotional support booty call
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
