i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
