Hey man sorry I got all grabby
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
