oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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