Buhtt sex?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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