you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
