I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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