Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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