just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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