He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
