Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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