I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
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this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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