It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Boobs are out for the taking
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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