just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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