i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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