Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
