Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
