Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
