All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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