I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
