why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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