my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
