dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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