Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
it was like eating out sand paper
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
