she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize