You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
