the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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