i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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