Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
