Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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