i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
