And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He's a Shit stain on my heart
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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