I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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