do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
