it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
