Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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