Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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