good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I intend to get homeless drunk
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
