I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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